Porn is love you can see.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
