he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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