hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
