Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
