I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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