You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
