omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
