that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
