This girl is more easily done than said...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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