The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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