she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
