But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
