He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
