i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
