I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
