i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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