Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I intend to get homeless drunk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
