I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
