Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
