I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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