I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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