is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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