Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
