If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
