if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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