Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
