I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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