The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
