I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
