and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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