That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
