DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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