If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
