I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
