I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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