she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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