Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
