It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we're making bets on your personal life
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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