I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
