He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
