I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
