I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
