I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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