People in love make me want to vomit
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
