Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
