Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
