Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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