How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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