He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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