Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
