Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
