Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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