dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
