She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize