i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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