Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
