just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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