She's JV to your varsity
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
