i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
