these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
