So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize