don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
