am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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