Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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