I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
