Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
