and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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