There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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