At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
