its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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