if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
