the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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