I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
