yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
