the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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