I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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