my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
