Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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