Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
