You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
