I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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