Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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