Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
