He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
