dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
