today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
worst night to have a conscience
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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