if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
