as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
