so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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