so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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