Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
